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Being Vocal — Talking During Sex

November 9, 2011

Personally speaking, I love talking during sex. I like laughing with my partner. I like it when my partner talks dirty. I don’t like silent sex.

Thus, in my fiction, sex isn’t silent with my characters. It’s either time for dirty talk, a little joke when someone’s thigh falls asleep, or an incredibly intimate conversation about love and desires. Sex in fiction, to me, is a wonderful place to allow for character growth, for the deepening of a relationship. Sex is when—in my opinion—people can be their most vulnerable. It’s when some of the most meaningful conversations can be had.

I don’t quite understand readers’ aversion to conversation during intimate moments. Maybe it’s because not everyone is vocal during sex. Authors often draw from their own personal experiences, as do readers, and when those experiences clash, there can be some backlash. Still, everyone should be tolerant of all people. Some people like to laugh, talk, and confide with their partners, some just like to make love silently. Neither is wrong.

I think that’s my biggest beef. When readers criticize authors for having characters talk during sex, they’re saying, ‘There is only One True Way to have sex’. I don’t like that sort of thinking. I don’t believe there’s One True Way to do jackshit, and to preach it like it is only rubs me wrong. Characters cry. Characters laugh. Characters talk when they fuck. Characters are silent when they’re mad. Just like people, characters are varied and complex—as they should be.

My characters will continue to do what comes naturally to them. If Malachi wants to talk rough and dirty to Phinn (Breaking Point) while fucking him, then that’s what Malachi will do. If Cade wants to be silent and broody while he makes love with North (Lessons In Cowboy), then that’s what Cade will do. I don’t like to pigeonhole myself or my characters, and I hope other authors feel the same way. I hope readers like the variety offered. I know I do. 🙂

3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 9, 2011 1:45 pm

    I’m of mixed opinion. I like a man willing to talk in bed. But he has to say the right things. Nothing turns me off quicker than ” would have loved to have raped you at 16. Bred you, kept you pregnant forever.” Er…NO! I have a 2 inch scar in my belly button to keep things like that from happening,

    On the other hand, although I haven’t written fanfic for seven years, I still get fanmail about a scene where one character asks another, “So, how? Face to face? Side by side? Back to back?”

    The right words set the mood. The wrong ones make a scene porny or wrong or just plain mockable.

  2. November 9, 2011 4:05 pm

    Oh, I didn’t mean to imply ALL conversations are great during sex. XD But, some are. Some are very appropriate for the characters. I have one character who takes so much joy in sex with his partner that he loves to laugh and revel in sex. That couple doesn’t talk a lot, but they do laugh.

    I just think the blanket ‘Characters should never talk during sex’ statement is dismissive and annoying. It’s yet another reader forced stereotype. I don’t want a homogenous genre. I want varied characters with varied emotions and varied quirks. 🙂

  3. November 10, 2011 12:56 pm

    I have a post called “GWM, straight-acting atheist, seeks same for romance genre ” in which I talk about this. It’s been going around for a long time.

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