Hop Against Homophobia: My Post
So, I’m partaking in the Hop Against Homophobia with like… 200 other blogs. I like the idea, and while I’m going to offer a M/M themed prize, I also think this hop should discuss all homophobia. It isn’t just gay men who face hatred, and just because we write M/M doesn’t mean we should forget the rest of the QUILTBAG.
I’m a bisexual woman who leans more to the lesbian end of the spectrum. Yes, I’m married. I’m married to a bisexual man. But R. has been only one of three or four men in my intimate life. I’m just not attracted to many men. I like women. The majority of my intimate partners have been women, and they will most likely always be women. I knew this about myself very early on in my life. My first girlfriend was one of my best friends in junior high school. It was bad enough being overweight in a school full of mostly average-to-thin individuals, but I made myself even more different by kissing a girl.
I’d been a victim of bullying because of my weight or habits since grade school (I was an idiot in the first grade and got caught picking my nose by classmates; I never lived that down). I thought I knew what it was to be ostracized and humiliated, but then I went and dated a girl. It was common for me to walk through the cafeteria and hear the popular kids snickering about the ‘dyke’. I don’t even think they really understood the word, what it did to me, but they used it anyway. Because I liked a girl, because I thought she was beautiful and smart and funny and so damn weird as to make me feel normal, I wasn’t to be treated like a human being with feelings and ears.
The relationship ended when I transferred schools in high school. Once that happened, a different close friend of mine became my girlfriend. I think she was the one that tipped off my mother that we were more than just friends. In high school, I also met my best damn friend, a gay man, who I still revere to this day. I remember walking home with him one day from the drugstore and, as a car drove by, some man screamed ‘faggot’ at us. He just shrugged it off, but I’d had ‘dyke’ leveled at me many times, and I wondered if it had hurt him as it did me, if he smiled just like I smiled because you just don’t know what to say in those moments.
From thirteen to seventeen, I had two of the three most important relationships of my life happen. I was sad when the relationship with my high school girlfriend ended, but by then, I had met the man who I would marry, and I couldn’t imagine a different life from the one I share with him. I’ve had female relationships since marrying, and I will probably have them long into the future. When I’m out with a girlfriend, though, eyes do gravitate toward us. Most adults, though, have the common sense not to shout dyke in a restaurant or snicker about the two fat girls holding hands. But you see it in their eyes, and I remember when it was like in that school cafeteria.
It makes me desperately sad to know that happiness can be so hated by others. My happiness, my joy in my relationships, is cause for scorn and ridicule and ugliness. My happiness doesn’t ruin someone else’s happiness, but someone else’s bigotry can ruin my joy. It’s high time tolerance became the mantra of this world, and I wish—so badly wish—that I believed it would be. But those same people who snubbed me in school and screamed mean things as they drove down the street are raising children. Children who will snub that gay boy in their class or throw a beer bottle out their window at the two women holding hands on a street corner. It’s generational, and it needs to stop.
Schools, churches, parents, grandparents, and strangers need to take up the banner and preach tolerance, acceptance, and understanding to the generation just now able to understand. With the government stripping away women’s rights, devaluing the lives of those who are not straight, and favoring the rich over the poor, we need to stand up and take control once more. Wash away the old and embrace the new. Embrace the diversity of love and life.
So, as part of the Hop Against Homophobia, I will be offering three prizes to three winners. 🙂 All you have to do is comment here and I’ll draw three names on May 20th. I’ll post up a new blog post on May 21st with the winners, as well as send out emails to the winners.
1st Prize: $50 donation to The Pride Center, a Florida-based GLBT organization, plus an ebook copy of The Keeper, Rachmaninoff, Catalyst, or Other Side of Night: Bastian & Riley
2nd Prize: $25 donation to The Pride Center, a Florida-based GLBT organization, plus an ebook copy of The Keeper, Rachmaninoff, Catalyst, or Other Side of Night: Bastian & Riley
3rd Prize: Winner’s choice of The Keeper, Rachmaninoff, Catalyst, or Other Side of Night: Bastian & Riley in print or ebook (if in print, signed by K. Piet and me)
So, comment! 😀 You do a lot of good commenting, and if you’re one of the three chosen, you get a book to read, too. Awesome-sauce, right?
Don’t forget to visit the other blogs in the blog hop, and spread the word about International Day Against Homophobia. Things need to change, and bigotry and hatred need to be stopped, and the only way it can happen is if we all stand up and make it happen.
And the giveaway is over! Thank you for all your comments. I hope to be able to reply to them all soon!